Life's Not Fair

Some days I want to cross my arms, stomp my feet, & yell
“IT’S NOT FAIR!!”

It’s not fair that my daddy got cancer when I was 11. It’s not fair that he always believed he would be healed, but then he wasn’t. It’s not fair that he died when I was fifteen, at the most vulnerable time in my life, & sent my family on a downward spiral. It’s not fair that he didn’t teach me to drive or see me get ready for prom or watch me graduate or rock Malachi to sleep or that he’ll never walk me down the aisle.

And although I know He had a little bit of help (ha) on this one, I don’t think it’s fair that I have Malachi. I’ve struggled with both ends of the spectrum in this situation. The pendulum swings to one side, and I think it’s not fair that I was the one who got pregnant when there are people out there more promiscuous (just keepin’ it real, folks) than I was. Sometimes I feel it’s not fair because I had plans & dreams & hopes of what my future would look like, and I can tell you right now that none of them involved being a single mom. And then the pendulum swings to the other side, and I think it’s not fair that so many people struggle with infertility & want nothing more than to have a baby… They try & try for years on end with no results. They are ready for a child. I wasn’t. Yet out of my disobedience, God has blessed me with a son. There is certainly nothing fair about that.

And then, in the middle of my pity party, He starts to speak to me about fair.

“Fair? Fair, my child? You want to talk to Me about fair? What about the cross? What about Calvary? Is it fair that I punished MY SON for YOUR sin? Is it fair that I turned away from him & toward you? That I let him take the consequences that YOU deserve? Is it fair that even though you turn from me again & again (& again & again & again….) I always welcome you back with open arms? You know what is not fair? LOVE. Love is not fair. My grace for you is not fair. I never promised you that life would be fair. You should be glad that I didn’t. Because the compassionate, merciful, all-encompassing love that I have for you is not fair.”

And so I sit humbly at His feet, remembering His goodness & His faithfulness in this season. I thank Him & rejoice in the fact that

life is not fair.